Do you know the old saying about a blind squirrel? Well... Behold! My NUTS! Wait, that can't be right...
Some people might label me a 'procrastinator' but I prefer to think of myself as overly optimistic.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 29, 2021
Action figures are boy dolls. I’m old enough to say that now.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 30, 2021
Please tell me that it has the back-hair 😜
— Jason Colak (@JasonColak) February 6, 2021
If you hug someone today. you will make the world a better place. But if you keep on hugging them… well, eventually someone's going to call the cops. Shit just got real.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 13, 2021
It's been years since I practiced yoga, but I believe that's called the Traitorous Manatee?
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) January 12, 2021
I wore pants for five hours straight today and it felt like running a 4K.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) January 17, 2021
Our two youngest kids share a bunk bed. One of them wants to be an oceanographer and dive to the deepest depths of the Mariana trench. The other wants to be an astronaut and fly further out into space than anyone has gone before. Yep. They really need a break from each other.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 22, 2021
If you don’t set a goal, you might never know what you can’t do.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 17, 2021
In this life, we are bound to encounter a few A-holes that test our patience and perseverance. When that moment comes, hopefully we are brave enough to face them, head on, and keep pushing through. For the childrens.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) January 26, 2021
After the black plague came the Renaissance.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 31, 2021
May the world reawaken to a burst of creativity and beauty containing all the hopeful colors of a spring bouquet.
There it is. Twinsies! pic.twitter.com/PNBKhCIXAX
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 3, 2021
Nice! They should put this tweet about your tweet being on a truck on a truck as well. That would be so meta there’s a serious risk the universe might fold in on itself.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 15, 2021
Is it weird that the thing I'm most excited about for Sunday is @TheAmandaGorman 's poem? I mean am I going to have to start reading books again?! #SuperBowl
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 5, 2021
If you were a Baby, would you remember though?
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 12, 2021
The best thing about noise canceling headphones is I can’t hear myself singing.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 30, 2021
Suppositories are not sexy.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 3, 2021
I want to live in a world all data is treated as nvarchar(max). And we’re all okay with that, even the columnstores.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 30, 2021
.@Microsoft because this tweet deserves to be liked or at least loudly groaned at https://t.co/RySYckw7Sq
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 15, 2021
Shakespeare said ‘To thine ownself be true’, but that doesn’t mean be selfish, or motivated solely by self-interest. Rather, we must become aware of what we believe to be important. Identify what we believe to be true. Only thru our personal integrity, can we change the world.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) March 26, 2021
Whoa. That’s pretty dark, Shawn. You leave that kid’s happiness alone, it’s just fine where it is. 😉
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 11, 2021
Inner beauty is best seen when it’s shat all over the place.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) March 12, 2021
Guns And Roses released a VR concert video in Vegas and as a fan of 80's music and virtual reality I find myself both pumped jacked. That's way better than front row seats. 'Attention! Mosh pit patrons! Please social distance!' <sigh> Remember mosh pits? Yeah, those sucked.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 13, 2021
Mitch says we're all overreacting to the voter suppression in GA. I mean, if people are SO concerned just wait until the next election and vote in new representation. OH WAIT
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 5, 2021
Mitch McConnell: MLB 'must stop taking cues from the Outrage-Industrial Complex' https://t.co/vU24kqkyyk
Prediction: In next four years we will move to FOUR political parties. Tea Party, Lincoln Party, Democratic Party and Progressive Party. May be a bit more complicated than a binary system, but it wouldn't be so terrible. Put all that crazy in a corner. #politics #impeachment
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 5, 2021
What if you prefer to eat with you feet and dip your fries in your condiment filled naval? I mean, is this still even America?!
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) January 17, 2021
Let’s end #2020 like the last scene from ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, just rampant, schmaltzy, over-the-top, good feels. May be tough to do with masks & social distance. Not sure the vibe would be the same on a Zoom call. Okay, whatever, but #2021 should DEFINITELY end like that.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) December 26, 2020
For the record, I am, at least, trying to try. And that's what really counts, isn't it? [high-fives self] pic.twitter.com/VjrueXGLnT
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) April 3, 2021
Okay let's settle this debate once and for all. Donnie Darko was an Easter movie. Yes or no? pic.twitter.com/RjHJzaGtKA
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 25, 2021
We need a movie mash-up of ‘Night At The Museum’ meets ‘Mannequin’ where #AngelinaJolie plays a statue of an ancient goddess magically brought to life when a security guard reattaches her long lost arm pieces. @MarkRuffalo as the guard because if it’s a rom-com that’s mandatory.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 22, 2021
I’m usually not the one to propagate sensational conspiracy theories but I swear there are elves who break into my closet each night to shrink my pants. Belts, too!
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) August 23, 2020
Somewhat shocked @SnoopDogg doesn’t have @Eminem in his top 10 rappers, but I love both those guys so to each their own. I don’t think it’s about skin color. I mean, Snoop hangs out with @MarthaStewart… and she’s the whitest person we’ve ever made.
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) July 31, 2020
I recognize this is petty and probably the last thing to worry about with this guy, but come on with that signature. COME THE F**K ON. pic.twitter.com/jFcVUYiVUr
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) May 9, 2020
Police Officers
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) February 26, 2020
School Teachers
Firefighters
Highways & Bridges
Medicare
Socialist policies provided by the government for the benefit of all. If we agree people with pre-existing conditions shouldn’t have to choose between dying or going bankrupt, what’s everybody so afraid of?
Existence is finite. Our minds protect us with a blissful delusion that this will all just keep going, that there will be a forever of tomorrows. In reality, every breath, every hug, every laugh is one of a handful. A fixed and unknowable amount of occurrences within our lifetime
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) January 29, 2020
Outrageous. 400 pages in this report and not one… not ONE mention of oranges. https://t.co/xyBTKDODUh
— Derrik Lamb (@derriklamb) December 11, 2019
Think Pray Repeat 